Understanding how to thrive
How are you?
I've been very quiet here since the New Year. I don't buy into the brand new you resolution thing heavily touted every January. Mine has been a very slow start or rather a continuation of the themes of last year - turning inwards more, deepening my meditation practice and exploring the theme of rest also known as 'going into the woods' in my metaphorical speak.
Phrases and words like those, suggest little or no action and of course in those moments there is a non-doing for sure but let me express vehemently that these practices lead to aligned action not non-action. What I mean is, less 'headless chicken' more purposeful, focused action resulting in more time and more energy. What's not to love about that hey!
But it does require strong intuition which is equivalent to strong connection with self and that's perhaps more tricky because as I've spoken so often about in the past, there lives within each one of us an inner critic, born of our earthly experience during childhood when we don't have a developed pre-frontal cortex aka rational thinking.
We are sponges soaking up positive and negative experiences without a filter blaming ourselves for everything bad that happens to us. That is a seriously uncomfortable place for us as children and threatens our very survival. What if our caregivers reject us, we won't survive?
We depend on our parents or caregivers so the thought that there could be something wrong with us (which we can't help but do without rational thinking) is unthinkable. Hence, we develop coping strategies. Very useful to survive childhood not so helpful as an adult.
It might be, we build a bit of a wall to avoid getting hurt seeking solitude rather than connection and our trust of self and others diminishes. We may become people-pleasers always putting others needs ahead of our own to avoid any possible criticism or judgement. We all know how that ends - yes, you guessed it - burn-out!
It's really important to discover what our patterning or conditioning is in this regard so we can let it go and reframe it to live a fuller and healthier life. This is the inner work I talk about. Don't bother trying to change your partner or the world out there, change yourself. That is the key and the only key. Not with harsh criticism as your inner critic does, with kindness.
'How do I do that?' I hear you say.
'With mindfulness,' I respond.
Can you become aware of the thoughts in your head and sift out which voice belongs to who? I use the analogy of parent - nurturing or critical, child - adapted or free and adult - conscious and present (taken from Transactional Analysis). If you can disarm your inner critic and soothe your inner child you're onto a winner I promise.
So this is the work I do each and everyday with myself and with my clients and it is transformative. Yes my clients have objectives. They want to experience a smoother menopause, lose weight, navigate life changes, develop healthy eating habits and so on. Whatever it is you want to do, you first have to make peace with yourself by confronting your inner critic and consoling, comforting and connecting with your inner child so that your adult self is running the show.
Your adult self exists in the present. It's not influenced by the past the way the others are or the possible future. This position is where you are most fully connected to your intuitive self - the part of you that is all-knowing and transcends all space and time. You can recognise it because it's like a nudge from inside that doesn't come from any previous thought, you just know to do it. You don't even think twice, you just know it's the right thing to do. Or the times when you know who it is calling you before you see their name or number on the phone.
I cannot advocate this approach more for peace of mind, quality of being and success in all things without the effort, confusion and tiredness that comes with the traditional approach to living - the way we are brought up, guilt-laden that we and only we must make things happen.
What if you let go, took a deep inhale and exhale and 'gave it up to God or source or all things?' How would that feel? Good right. Yeah! You've been holding on too much darling and you're tired. Just let it go. Breathe in and breathe out. Let the answers come spontaneously.
You're doing well. Champion yourself more. Pat yourself on the back more. You're doing a stellar job - doing this human living on earth thing. It's tough, hellish sometimes. Give yourself a pat on the back for doing the best you can. Stop being so hard on yourself. It's not helpful - to you or to others around you. STOP. It's ok, you've got this. Tune in.
The more stressed you are the more you turn inwards not outwards
Blame whoever or whatever you want. It's not helpful. Focus in on yourself, on your own healing, on your own wisdom. It's there in abundance, it just needs you to hear it and with all the outer noise that's a tricky thing right. Then once calm (called self-regulation) with the right inner prompt you take action from this place. Maybe it's asking the person who upset you for a chat and so on.
So here I am waiting for you, ready for you. What do you need? Do you need a 1:1 to reset? Are you navigating a massive life change? Are you going through the menopause?
I've said it before, this is your time. There's a reason you're here on this earth right now. You have work to do to heal yourself, to heal humanity, to self-love. It's got to start with you and then it'll ripple outwards to the people you love and beyond. It's a good thing I promise and you're worth it. You are worth this beautiful life. You are worth putting yourself front and centre in your life. No more sitting pretty in the background whilst others thrive ahead of you. All can thrive if they choose to but you have to want it and to claim it and recognise the barriers in your way. Sometimes we need help with these and that's ok. Please take the time to love yourself.
Yours ever
Sophie xox